Basketball for Dummies
by Laziness Incarnate
Summary: In which the torch of Shohoku is sort of passed on to the next generation after much violence is done. The fifth and final story in my "Captains" series. [One-shot]


**Basketball for Dummies**

This is _it_. The last straw. No more boring drills, no more basics basics basics while everyone else gets to play real basketball. I'm quitting this dumb club.

They're all looking at me now. Coach Anzai, the pretty manager girl, that big ape of a captain - even that dopehead Rukawa actually looks awake. But who gives a shit about them anyway, I'm out of here.

I walk out of the gym and no one stops me.

What the hell. Why is no one stopping me? Don't they know this team isn't worth anything without a genius like me? Bastards.

I'm practically at the school gates when a hand jerks at my collar and I'm forced to look behind me.

"Hey."

Oh great, it's the big gorilla. I look up (and up and up) at his big ugly face and his squinty little ugly eyes and his ugly spiky red hair and I have a real urge to punch his ugly nose into the back of his skull. But it's kind of hard to get the jump on him when he's got about half a foot and fifty pounds on me and is holding me up one-handed by the collar.

"What," is what I say instead.

"Hey," Sakuragi says again like a retard, "where do you think you're going?"

"Where does it look like?"

"Nowhere fast."

Ah ha ha, real funny. I want to kill him.

"You know," he says while I'm trying not to kill him, "there was this guy a couple years back who did the same thing as you, and our captain just let him walk out."

"Watch me care."

"And the guy came back on his own, which was good because he turned out to be the saviour of the team."

"Must have been Rukawa."

That earns me a punch in the head and a twist of the collar.

"The guy came back on his own because he was smart, but I don't think we can count on you to be smart. I think we can count on you to be stupid. So we're going to do this the hard way."

And I stop worrying about my collar being too tight because Sakuragi's head is suddenly crashing down on mine, hard. The last thing I hear before blacking out is him muttering something about there being no way that that idiot fox could be the saviour of the team, and how kids these days are just so disrespectful of their elders.

* * *

"...so we're playing Shintai next week, can you believe it? Our first game and it's Shintai."

"Nyah ha ha! You sound scared, Micchi!"

Ugh. I wake up and the first thing I hear is Sakuragi's noisy laugh. Just my luck. I think I'm lying on a bench, judging by the agonizing crick in my back. Geez. My captain knocks me out and has the gall to throw me on a bench and leave me here? I have half a mind to get up and knock his teeth in, except it'll probably be me getting dentures the next day if I do that. I decide to keep playing dead for now.

"Poor, poor Micchi is scared of the big bad Shintai!"

"Don't call me Micchi!"

Micchi? What the hell kind of name is that?

"Hah, the name suits you," says another unfamiliar voice.

"It's better than 'Ryochin.'"

Ryochin?

I hear, from not too far away, the familiar thrum of a basketball being dribbled and the squeak of shoes on the gym floor, the sounds echoing loudly in the near-empty gym. Most of the team is gone, obviously, and only one person is still practicing. Rukawa, I bet. I hear the loud crash of a slam dunk. Yup, definitely Rukawa.

"Micchi and Ryochin sure are testy today."

"Sakuragi, shut up."

"I agree with Mitsui."

Now I recognize that name. So, the vice-captain from last year's team is visiting. Mitsui Hisashi, equally legendary for his dead accurate three pointers and for having to repeat his senior year of high school - maybe on purpose. And if he's here, the other guy is probably...

"Wow, can't believe Miyagi actually agrees with me for once."

...last year's captain, the fastest man on the courts and the shortest too, Miyagi Ryota. Whoa. What the heck are these guys doing here? Does that mean what's-his-face is here too?"

"Too bad Hiroshi couldn't make it...we could have had a real good three on three."

"Yeah, but that's only if Akagi actually shows up."

"He said he _might_ be able to come."

Okay, who the heck is Akagi?

"Haruko-chan is picking him up from the station so he should have plenty of time before they have to go to the restaurant."

"I can't believe Haruko can drive now."

"I can't believe she has a car."

"I can't believe we're playing Shintai next week."

"I can't believe Ayako agreed to go out with you."

"I can't believe you said that, asshole."

All this is mildly interesting to me, but I did make a promise that I was quitting this team. They don't realize I'm awake yet - how can I make my escape?

"That big gorilla _will_ be here." That's Sakuragi, sounding more mulish than usual. And now I realize who he must be talking about - his captain from his freshman year, the only person he could possibly refer to as "big gorilla," because frankly Sakuragi is a freaking orangutan himself. And all of a sudden I really am interested in sticking around, because isn't Akagi the guy who led the team to beat Sannoh a couple years ago? And these other guys in the gym were the rest of the starting lineup. It's not like we - Shohoku I mean - won the championship, but they did what no other team has done since. Not bad. I decide to stick around on the bench.

There's a lull in the conversation - no one wants to disagree with Sakuragi that Akagi will be here, gee I wonder why (my forehead aches in sympathy) - until someone (Miyagi, I think) says, "So who's sleeping beauty over there?"

I nearly seize up when I realize he's referring to me.

"That stupid idiot? Just a freshman. He was complaining about doing basics and walked out. I convinced him to stay."

"Sounds kind of familiar."

"Are you making fun of this tensai?"

"Yeah."

A few minutes and a few punches later, the conversation turns to more interesting topics.

"So Ryonan's kind of screwed this year without Sendoh, aren't they."

"Sendoh was _fucking scary_ last year."

"Ptht. This tensai was never scared of that broomhead anyway."

"Yeah, you say that now that you don't have to play against him anymore. Do you know what university he went to, Miyagi?"

"I think it was Shintai."

"...Shit."

"But hey, Hanamichi, I wouldn't count Ryonan out, even without Sendoh. I heard they got some kind of freshman whiz-kid for a point guard."

"Bah! As if I'll have any trouble against a freshman."

"You won't be the one dealing with him, moron."

"Yeah, it'll be Rukawa. He's point guard now, remember?"

"That dumb fox couldn't guard a freshman unless the guy's legs were tied up and someone had thrown acid in his eyes, even with a ten-point head start."

"Um, Hanamichi - "

"And even if he took steroids he'd still be a stupid skinny useless ball-hogging piece of trash."

"Sakuragi, you should probably look behind you."

I realize that the incessant sounds of dribbling and running and shooting that have been the backdrop to this whole sordid scene have stopped.

"Who's a ball-hogging piece of trash?" says Rukawa, sounding a bit less bored than usual.

I can practically _hear_ the steam rising from Sakuragi's tiny brain.

"You are, dumb fox."

"Like I care what you think."

Again, it takes a few minutes of violence before they say anything worth hearing.

"You guys are such morons," huffs Mitsui.

"It's his fault!" Sakuragi insists.

"Let's play now."

There's an audible pause after Rukawa's pronouncement and then Sakuragi says, "Not until Gori gets here."

"He's not coming."

"He is."

"Don't be stupid. What kind of captain are you?"

"A better one than you."

"Do'ahou."

Miyagi sounds resigned as he says, "Whose stupid idea was it to make both of you captain again? Oh yeah, mine."

"I'll prove who's better," Sakuragi growls. "Let's play."

Idiot. Wasn't he going to wait for Akagi?

"Idiot," says Mitsui. "Aren't we going to wait for Akagi?"

"It's past six thirty already," Miyagi points out. "We should just start and if he shows up he can join in."

There's silence except for Sakuragi's heavy breathing.

"Fine," he says finally, his voice tight.

I'm relieved to hear their footsteps shuffling away from me, until I hear Rukawa say, "Wait. He's not asleep."

The next thing I know someone's kicked me off the bench. Got his shoe right in my kidney too, the jerk.

"Geez, Rukawa, you don't have to kick a guy when he's down," comments Miyagi.

Rukawa is already turning away from me like I'm nothing. "He can ref," is all he says.

I hardly cut an impressive figure while rolling around in agony on the floor, but I yell, "Why the hell should I?"

"Part of your training."

He tosses a whistle at me over his shoulder, which I spectacularly fail to catch. I'm about to throw it down and walk out of there forever when I see Sakuragi, who's looking at the door of the gym with a hard expression on his face. Then, after a moment, he seems to snap out of it.

"Pipsqueak." He's looking at me now. "Ref for us. You'll enjoy it."

Yeah right. Whatever. I go with him, because it's better than having my skull pounded in.

* * *

Miyagi and Mitsui emerge from the locker room wearing white number seven and number fourteen jerseys respectively. Weird, I think to myself. Weren't they supposed to be numbers four and five?

"For old times' sake," says Mitsui, throwing a red jersey at Sakuragi's face and another into Rukawa's hands. They scowl but slip them on, and I see that Sakuragi has number ten and Rukawa number eleven. Even weirder - Sakuragi had a lower number than Rukawa did?

"What the hell," Sakuragi complains when he sees the jersey colours. "I'm not teaming up with the moron here."

"Why not?" Miyagi asks with a grin. "You're both captains now, shouldn't you be able to work together?"

"It's fine," says Rukawa. "We always play freshmen versus seniors anyway."

It takes a moment for this to sink in before Mitsui and Miyagi shout, "Who are you calling freshmen?"

"You," Rukawa replies matter-of-factly.

"Let's kill 'em, Mitsui."

"You got it."

"Hmph," grumbles Sakuragi, still glaring at Rukawa.

And they start to play. Miyagi checks the ball with Rukawa and as soon as it's in his hands again he's a blur racing down the court faster than anyone I've ever seen and he's going in for the lay-up but Rukawa and Sakuragi - no slouches in the speed department either - are already there to block him but one no-look pass later and the ball is in Mitsui's hands and then it's not, it's sailing in a perfect parabola through the air and through the net with barely a whisper of sound to acknowledge that it's good, not just good but great holy shit. Three pointer right off the bat. Mitsui and Miyagi high five it and smirk at Sakuragi and Rukawa's expressions.

"You weren't guarding your man," Rukawa points out.

"What are you talking about? You were the one who let him run circles around you."

They're still arguing as play resumes.

"As if I'll pass to that stupid fox!"

"Do'ahou. As if I need your help."

Mitsui guards Sakuragi closely, and there's no way to shoot or get closer to the key. The idiot - I mean my captain - has that stubborn expression on his face that means he's not going to pass to Rukawa and everyone knows it.

"Why don't you pass?" Mitsui taunts.

"No way!"

Sakuragi grits his teeth...and slips a bullet pass through Mitsui's defence and right into Rukawa's hands.

Or that's what should have happened except Miyagi's intercepted the ball and he's yelling "Go!" and Mitsui is magically at the perfect forty-five degree angle for a jump shot and Miyagi passes except it's a fake and Rukawa falls for it and Miyagi's got the lay-up in the bag except Sakuragi's there and it's rejected eight feet in the air and I've never seen people jump so high before like wow.

"Fly swatter!" Sakuragi pumps his fist wildly while Rukawa picks up the loose ball and casually dunks it, practically knocking Mitsui down in the process.

"That's a foul!" he yells.

"Don't be a sore loser."

"Yeah, don't be a sore loser, Micchi!" Sakuragi adds until he realizes he's just agreed with Rukawa.

"Ref!"

Everyone is looking at me.

"Um," I say intelligently. It occurs to me that there an awful lot of very tall, very beefy guys in the room, and all of them with nasty reputations for being gangsters. I start weighing my options; Rukawa and Sakuragi are bigger than Miyagi and Mitsui, that's for sure, and they're my captains who'll be around to make my life hell after this game while the other two are leaving...

What am I saying? I'm quitting the team. But...well, none of that should matter. I should call the play the way the play should be called.

"Offensive foul," I squeak.

"Good," says Mitsui with a toothy smile, patting me on the back while Rukawa gives me a death glare that isn't much different from his usual expression.

As Mitsui goes to get the ball, Miyagi says to Sakuragi, "I knew you were gonna pass. That old trick doesn't work on me anymore."

"So what!"

But even as Sakuragi fumes, his eyes lock with Rukawa's and it seems like an understanding is met.

This is how the game truly begins. Sakuragi and Rukawa, despite their bad start, start using their weight and height advantage and there's not much Miyagi and Mitsui can do about that. The tricks and taunts die down and Sakuragi's eyes stop flicking to the door; instead they're focussed on the basket. And he and Rukawa play like a dream, like they've got one brain and one body and they know exactly where they should be and how to move that ball around the court and it occurs to me that _this is why I came to this place_.

The shadows lengthen and daylight fades and still they play on. Akagi does not come and still they play on. They play even as Sakuragi and Rukawa - who held a long practice before this game - begin to run short of breath. They play even after one of the teams has scored the number of baskets needed to win; no one's keeping track anymore. They play until Miyagi holds up a hand and says they have to stop, and they do.

As they're packing up they don't say much, just a few quiet words ("Good game") ("Yeah") and then they're heading out. Rukawa says nothing at all, just gives a sleepy nod as he walks out the door. Mitsui and Miyagi promise to come visit again soon before heading off in opposite directions.

"They won't, you know."

I look at Sakuragi.

"What do you mean?"

"Visit. Not any time soon. Akagi said the same thing when he left the team. But that's how it goes.""

I expect bitterness but he just looks resigned, even a little wistful.

"So," he says, shrugging off the strange mood. "What about you?"

I startle. "What about me?"

"Are you in?"

I look at his outstretched hand holding the ball like it's an alien thing, which it is, to me. I think of the basketball I saw today, of what it would be like to move around the court like that, to be so well matched by my teammates and my opponents that something like perfection looks like it might be reached. And I also think of long hard practices and doing basics basics basics until my bones ache and all the sweat is wrung out of my body - because the future is a far off place, I realize now. I think of these things and I cannot weigh them against each other in any quantifiable way.

Then, I take a deep breath, hold my head up high, and give my answer.

End

* * *

Author's Notes:

The end of the Captains series...finally! It's been a blast, folks.

I borrowed Hiroshi from KoinoTenshi's fun fun continuation fic "Slam Dunk: Conquer the Nation" for a very brief mention. Meh heh, hope you don't mind, KoinoTenshi.

Regarding Mitsi having to repeat his senior year of high school...is that something that's actually in the manga or is that just a really common fandom (mis)interpretation? Because when I read the scanlated version of the manga it didn't say anything about that at all. Maybe people were confused because Akagi and Kogure leave the team before the Winter Tournament and Mitsui doesn't? Or maybe the translation I read wasn't very accurate?


End file.
